Search my Heart O God
Search me, O God, and know my heart
These past few months were indeed very trying to me. In prayer, I asked the Lord why we had to undergo all these uncertainties and frustrations. I asked him why these things happen when I surrender everything to him. In my prayer, the Lord reminded me of Psalm 139:23: "Search me, O God, and know my heart." As I prayed this verse I became curious. Why does God have to search me? He knows everything - my inmost thoughts. He does not need to search me to find something. He knows what is in my heart. He knows the darkest corners of my heart and he does not need to search me because he knows me.
I then realized that when God searches us, it is different from how we search for other things.
When a doctor diagnoses a patient, the doctor recommends an x-ray or ultrasound. Once the results come back, the doctor knows and sees the problem. Let us assume that the doctor sees a spot in the result and concludes that the patient has cancer. What does the doctor do? He schedules an operation for the patient. During the operation, the doctor makes a cut and goes into the body and takes the problem out. When the doctor does that, he already knows the problem. He already knows where the problem is. But he has to go into the body and take the problem out because that is the only way to cure the patient.
When God searches our hearts, he does the same thing. God does not only have an ultrasound of our body, he has the blueprint of our lives - our person - our spirit. He knows what hinders us from growing in our relationship with him and he knows what he has to do to remove that hindrance. So when we ask God to search our hearts, we are asking him to minister to us - remove whatever hinders us from following him at that point in our lives.
When he does what we ask, what are we to do? What does the patient do when the doctor is operating on him? The patient has to be still. Unfortunately in faith, there is no such thing as general anesthesia because we are always conscious of what the Lord is doing to us. We suffer and feel the pains of God's operation. We cannot go through the operation sleeping. We have to take an active part in waiting for him.
In one of her books, St. Teresa of Avila says that she doubts if God hears prayers for money, riches or fame. God also will not force himself to us. He does only what we allow him to do in us. And God is pleased whenever we invite him and give him full control of all that we have because then, he can do what he has to do.
The Psalm says that when God searches us, he will know us. In scripture, knowing is having an intimate relationship. So when God searches us, when he removes what hinders us from loving him - the result will be a deeper and fresher perspective of the Lord - resulting in intimacy with him.
This Christmas, let us give something different for the Lord. Let us please him by allowing him to search our hearts.
May the Lord indeed search us and heal us so that we may continue to grow in his life.
Merry Christmas to all.